Sunday, December 16, 2007

'Are you the one who is to come?'

Joie de Vivre (Joy for Life). 1930. Robert Delaunay.

The painting above is French impressionist Robert Delaunay's attempt to express joy through shapes, colors, and images. Joy like the joy John the Baptist must have felt in prison when he received an answer to the question he asked Jesus (through the disciples): "Are you the one who is to come?" John asked. And Jesus answered, "Go and tell John what you hear and see: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the poor have good news brought to them. And blessed is anyone who takes no offense at me." (Matthew 11: 2-6).

Tonight in Journey we look at Jesus' words and deeds as evidence of God's work in him, and we take a closer look at his promise--right now--of wholeness and healing. See you there!

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Deep Peace

Yosemite Valley, Glacier Point Trail. Painting by Albert Bierstadt (1830-1902).
Deep Peace. Music by Bill Douglas. Lyrics based on an old Gaelic blessing:

Deep Peace,
of the running wave to you
Deep Peace
of the flowing air to you
Deep Peace
of the quiet earth to you
Deep Peace
of the shining stars to you
Deep Peace of the gentle night to you
Moon and stars
pour their healing light on you
Deep Peace to you

Monday, November 5, 2007

Journey Beatitudes

In Journey this week, Jesus turned our notions of happiness upside down as we read and discussed the Beatitudes. It was difficult to understand how happiness can come from mourning, loss, hunger, and feeling outcast.

However, we agreed that happiness--blessings--can indeed be found in the darkest moments of life, even for teenagers. And so, the assignment for each member of Journey was to write a beatitude for today, for teenagers. Not an easy task. Here's what we came up with, a few of the "Beatitudes According to Journey":

Happy are students who fail a test,
for they shall find new reason to apply themselves.

Happy is a high schooler who is ignored,
for there you will find a close and loyal friend.

Happy is the teenage student who fails in an honest attempt,
for they will learn from their mistake.

Happy is the high schooler who breaks up with his or her boyfriend/girlfriend,
for they will have more free time.

Happy is the student who gets an "F" on his report card,.
for they will get a fresh start next quarter.

We ran out of time before getting a chance to listen to "Deep River," a spiritual sung by Barbara Conrad. But - you can hear it here, and look at some Tom Atwood river photos at the same time. As you listen and read the lyrics, think about what the word "home" refers to in the first line. And what might this song have to do with All Saints Sunday?

Deep River (click to play)

Deep River
African-American spiritual
Performed by Barbara Conrad (b. 1940)

Lyrics:

Deep River,
My home is over Jordan
Deep river, Lord,
I want to cross over into campground.

Deep River,
My home is over Jordan,
Deep river, Lord,
I want to cross over into campground.

Oh, don't you want to go
To that gospel feast,
That promised land
Where all is peace?

Deep river,
I want to cross over into campground.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Happy are those...

When are you happy? Really happy? Today, as we celebrate All Saints Sunday, Jesus offers some surprising ways for us to seek happiness. Jesus' revolutionary message--what he says will make you happy--is probably not a message you are getting on TV, magazines, movies, or your iPod. We will talk about it tonight at Journey. See you at 5:30 for pizza in the Undercroft.

Today's Journey Scripture

Luke 6:20-31

Then he looked up at his disciples and said:
‘Blessed are you who are poor,
for yours is the kingdom of God.
‘Blessed are you who are hungry now,
for you will be filled.
‘Blessed are you who weep now,
for you will laugh.
‘Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude you, revile you, and defame you* on account of the Son of Man.
Rejoice on that day and leap for joy, for surely your reward is great in heaven; for that is what their ancestors did to the prophets.
‘But woe to you who are rich,
for you have received your consolation.
‘Woe to you who are full now,
for you will be hungry.
‘Woe to you who are laughing now,
for you will mourn and weep.
‘Woe to you when all speak well of you, for that is what their ancestors did to the false prophets.
‘But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.
If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also; and from anyone who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt.
Give to everyone who begs from you; and if anyone takes away your goods, do not ask for them again.
Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

An apple a day...

Members of Journey and St. Andrew's church school bob for apples and enjoy Halloween fun at party and bonfire Saturday night outside the parish hall.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Halloween party this Saturday, Oct. 27, 6 pm


The church school teachers are holding a Halloween party on October 27th. They promise games, food and fun starting at 6 pm until 8 pm at St. Andrew's.

From Tonja Banning:

We are looking for donations of apples, hot dogs, candy, marshmallows, graham crackers, juice boxes, chips, beer and wine. We are also in need of Halloween decorations such as spider webs, signs and tombstones. If the decorations are your personal items these will be returned to you before Halloween.

If you have any questions, call Tonja Banning 288-4528

This is a church wide event. Please invite your friends and neighbors.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Wrestling with God

The artwork (left) created by Olivia Hopkins (Sharpie on paper) at Journey tonight illustrates a painful moment in her life. We discussed the role of prayer in moments when we are hurt, frustrated, confused (see Aaron Huggins' sketch below) or angry. It is in these moments when we sometimes struggle with God--maybe not physically like Jacob, but struggle nonetheless.

Confusion by Aaron Huggins

Tonight's Journey Scripture
Genesis 32: 22-30
Jacob wrestles with God

22 The same night [Jacob] got up and took his two wives, his two maids, and his eleven children, and crossed the ford of the Jabbok.
23 He took them and sent them across the stream, and likewise everything that he had.
24 Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until daybreak.
25 When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket; and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him.
26 Then he said, ‘Let me go, for the day is breaking.’ But Jacob said, ‘I will not let you go, unless you bless me.’
27 So he said to him, ‘What is your name?’ And he said, ‘Jacob.’
28 Then the man said, ‘You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans, and have prevailed.’
29 Then Jacob asked him, ‘Please tell me your name.’ But he said, ‘Why is it that you ask my name?’ And there he blessed him.
30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, ‘For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved.’

= = = = =

It is tempting to give up when faced with what seems like the overwhelming task of living as God wants us to live. Remember Chase's struggle with guilt and forgiveness? Ellen's anger toward God over the loss of her neighbors? In moments like these, it is important to persevere in faith, confident that the God who calls you to faithfulness is the same God who wants you to succeed, the same God who empowers you.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Video: Pain, Agony, Victory


Video Produced by Tom Atwood
Photographs by Andy Thomas

This video is a series of photographs of EHS cross-country runners, including Journey members Devon Dudding, Riley Atwood, and Ellen Atwood. The photos were taken by Andy Thomas at meets this fall. As I looked through hundreds of Andy's photos I was struck by the pain in many of his pictures. The agony is evident on the faces of cross-country runners, especially as they near the end of a race, battling for position, or at least for a faster time. Pain is definitely part of Andy's photographs. Pain is sometimes part of life. It is also part of running, and in cross country, often a part of training, and of victory.

--Tom Atwood

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Judgment House

Duane Douglas (Adam's dad) is taking some of the kids from church school to "Judgment House" at Maryville Baptist Church, and wants to know if any members of Journey are interested in going. A brief description and link to the Judgment House website are included below. Duane plans to go on Friday evening, October 19 (although Sunday afternoon, October 21 at 3 pm is another possibility).

Take a look at the description below, and let me know--by email or by leaving a comment below--if you would like to go. If so, we will take some time at Journey to discuss Judgment House, evangelism, hell, etc.

From Duane:

Here is a link that explains Judgment House. It is a National evangelical ministry: Judgment House.

Judgment House is a true-to-life drama, played out in a series of rooms, that tells the story of the lives of several teenagers. See what happens after death to those who accepted Christ and those who rejected him. This unique alternative to Halloween is being presented October 17-31. This year's title is Web of Lies and is about teens who get mixed up in chat rooms.

Let me know if you want to go. Thanks!

Monday, October 8, 2007

Learning to trust

Members of Journey lead each other blindfolded on a "trust walk" around St. Andrew's.

Pizza (as usual), but this time outside.

Church divide over gays has a global audience

LIGHTNING ROD: In 2003, V. Gene Robinson, a gay Episcopal priest, was consecrated as bishop of New Hampshire. The move deepened the rift between liberal and conservative church members.

By Rebecca Trounson, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer
8:54 PM PDT, October 13, 2007

As Episcopalians and Anglicans wait to see if their fractious global fellowship will splinter or hold together in a long-running conflict over homosexuality and the Bible, other denominations are watching nervously.

The same or related issues are roiling many denominations, especially such mainline Protestant churches as Evangelical Lutherans, Presbyterians and Methodists. And many church leaders and scholars predict that the way these questions play out in the Episcopal Church and the worldwide Anglican Communion will hold lessons for them all.

"The struggle going on inside the Anglican Communion. . . is not peculiar to Anglicanism," Sister Joan Chittister, a Roman Catholic nun, wrote in a recent column in the National Catholic Reporter newspaper. "The issue is in the air we breathe. The Anglicans simply got there earlier than most."

Conservative Judaism has debated the issue as well, but the conflict is especially pronounced among Protestant churches. Said John C. Green, senior fellow at the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life: "They know it's going to happen to them too."

Across faith groups, the controversies revolve broadly around homosexuality: whether to allow openly gay and lesbian clergy or bishops and whether to provide official recognition to the unions of same-sex couples. But fundamentally, the debate involves questions of scriptural interpretation and whether the Bible's teachings are to be seen as unchanging or in cultural and historical context.

The issues are not new. In many American Protestant denominations, the dispute has been simmering for about 30 years, longer than the same groups' now largely resolved disagreements over ordination for women.

But in recent years, vocal minorities on both ends of the theological spectrum -- religious traditionalists on one side, gay religious groups and supporters on the other -- have become less inclined to search for middle ground.

Gay and gay-friendly pastors have been tried in church courts, and breakaway parishes and parent churches have fought legal battles over property. The national conventions of several denominations have taken up the topic again and again.

"On both sides of the question, there's really no willingness at this point to compromise," said the Rev. Jay Johnson, professor of theology at the Pacific School of Religion in Berkeley and senior research director at its Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies in Religion and Ministry. "This isn't something that's negotiable."

At the center of the storm is the Episcopal Church. With 2.3 million members, the church is dwarfed by many other U.S. denominations, but its wealth and political prominence -- one in four U.S. presidents has been Episcopalian -- have long given it an outsized influence in the life of the nation.

The church is the U.S. branch of the Anglican Communion, a 77-million-member fellowship that is the world's third-largest Christian denomination. Theological conservatives are a minority in the Episcopal Church, but a large and growing majority among Anglicans worldwide.

The conflict between liberal and conservative church members in the U.S. and abroad escalated in 2003, when the Episcopal Church consecrated an openly gay priest, V. Gene Robinson, as bishop of New Hampshire. Tensions increased last year when the American church elected a woman, Katharine Jefferts Schori, as presiding bishop.

In February, the communion's top leaders, known as primates, gave the Episcopal Church what many considered an ultimatum: to state clearly, by Sept. 30, that it would stop consecrating openly gay bishops and bar official blessings of same-sex couples.

At a meeting in New Orleans just before the deadline, Episcopal bishops crafted a careful statement, trying, several said later, to ease the primates' concerns and remain true to the Episcopal Church's long-held policy of inclusion for gays and lesbians.

In the end, the bishops essentially agreed to think twice before consecrating additional gay bishops, saying they would exercise restraint in such decisions. They also promised, for now, not to approve an official prayer service for blessing gay couples.

In an open letter sent Tuesday to the church's gay and lesbian members, Robinson described the church as being "not of one mind, but struggling to be of one heart."

Alluding to the human toll exacted by the continuing debate, he also asked gay and lesbian church members to pray for him in "this painful meantime."

Also this month, an advisory panel to Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams, the communion's spiritual leader, said the Episcopal bishops had met the primates' requirements. Williams has asked the primates, leaders of the communion's 38 national and regional churches, to respond by the end of the month.

Yet dissident Anglican traditionalists in the United States have moved ahead with plans to create an alternative to the Episcopal Church. Leaders representing more than a dozen conservative groups met in Pittsburgh in September and announced that they would eventually seek recognition as the true Anglican representative in North America.

Many conservatives say it is the Episcopal Church and its liberal leaders that have departed from traditional Anglicanism.

"We've not left," said Bishop Martyn Minns, who leads one network of dissident U.S. parishes and attended the Pittsburgh meeting. "They've left us. They've embraced new teaching, a new understanding of biblical authority, the role of Christ in the church."

Many of those who took part in Pittsburgh have aligned themselves with conservative Anglican bishops overseas, including the archbishop of Nigeria, Peter Akinola, and of Uganda, Henry Luke Orombi.

Both archbishops are expanding their U.S. networks. On Saturday, two bishops affiliated with Orombi's Anglican Church of Uganda presided at the ordinations of two priests and a deacon at a dissident Newport Beach congregation, St. James Church. And Minns, who leads Akinola's breakaway group, will ordain a priest and 10 deacons this week in Virginia.

Underlying some of the conflict, religious scholars say, is a dramatic shift in power to nations of the developing world. Akinola's Church of Nigeria, for example, has 17 million members, making it second only to the Church of England within the communion.

African Christian churches, which are often competing with Islam for adherents, are often very conservative on questions of family and sexuality, said Philip Jenkins, professor of religious studies and history at Pennsylvania State University.

The idea of same-sex unions is relatively new even in the West, Jenkins said, and "Nigerians and other Anglicans resent being told they need to change their beliefs and go along."

But as the conflict plays out, more is at stake than the future of the Episcopal Church. Lutherans, Methodists and Presbyterians, among others, all have their own versions of the debate about the role of gays in religious life and whether scriptural texts should be considered sacred and fixed, or evolving. In May, bishops of the United Methodist Church decided to keep intact a policy adopted in 1972 that describes homosexual activity as "incompatible with Christian teaching." The issue is considered likely to surface again when the church's top policymaking body meets next year.

In August, after an emotional debate, a national assembly of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America voted to urge its bishops to refrain from defrocking gay and lesbian ministers in committed relationships, but rejected measures that would have allowed the ordination of non-celibate gay clergy. The assembly voted to defer proposals on ordaining gays and same-sex blessings to a task force that is expected to issue a statement on sexuality next year.

Bradley Schmeling is at the center of the Evangelical Lutheran debate. The pastor of an Atlanta congregation, Schmeling was removed from the Lutheran clergy roster in June after he told his bishop that he had entered into a relationship with another man. Despite Schmeling's church trial and removal from the list of approved clergy, his congregation has chosen to keep him as its pastor.

Schmeling said he was disappointed the assembly did not change its policy on gay clergy but called the resolution on restraint a significant step. "What it means for gay and lesbian pastors all across the country is that they can be a little less afraid now that the church will file charges," he said.

Judaism's Conservative Movement has addressed similar issues. Last December, a rabbinical law panel in New York adopted contrasting opinions that essentially allowed individual synagogues to decide whether to ordain gay rabbis or allow same-sex commitment ceremonies.

As devout people on both sides of the theological chasm struggle over homosexuality, some scholars said the issue has proved the most intractable for American churches since slavery fractured many of the same denominations in the 19th century. Most, apart from the Southern Baptist Convention, eventually reunited.

The question, said the Pew Forum's John C. Green, is whether the current battle will split the denominations as well. "In terms of potential consequences, this is very much a civil war, too," he said.

rebecca.trounson@latimes.com

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Faith (or, If Trees Had Feet)

In case you can't figure out what is happening in the drawing above, I'll tell you: it is a tree running (yes, running) to plant itself in the sea. What does that have to do with faith? What does that have to do with anything? To find out, you will need to come to Journey tonight. Bring your blindfolds!

Have faith, all will be made clear.

We will also talk about something called "awfulizing." Also known as "catastrophizing." It's when someone always expects the worst out of life. It is what Chinese poet Lan Se's poem "Christmas" is all about. (Although, his poem--below--could also be titled, "If something can go wrong, it will!")

Christmas
by Lan Se

I always feel that
the letter slipped into the mailbox
will never reach its destination
The bicycle parked by the side of the street
will be stolen by someone
The pressure cooker in my hands
will immediately explode
The TV broadcasting the soccer match
will break down
If I bump into something
Of course I will get a concussion
If she doesn't come on this bus
I'll be left alone in the world

Why should a mature man bear
such heavy burdens
on his shoulders?


Journey Scripture
Luke 17:5-10

5 The apostles said to the Lord, ‘Increase our faith!’
6 The Lord replied, ‘If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, “Be uprooted and planted in the sea”, and it would obey you.
7 ‘Who among you would say to your slave who has just come in from ploughing or tending sheep in the field, “Come here at once and take your place at the table”?
8 Would you not rather say to him, “Prepare supper for me, put on your apron and serve me while I eat and drink; later you may eat and drink”?
9 Do you thank the slave for doing what was commanded?
10 So you also, when you have done all that you were ordered to do, say, “We are worthless slaves; we have done only what we ought to have done!” ’

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Journey photos by Ellen Atwood

Riches

This Sunday in Journey we consider what it means to be rich. What is true wealth? We will also talk about what responsibility we have, as Christians, to the poor and outcast. (And what about Hades??)




Rich Man and Lazarus
(watercolor, ink and goache, by Ian Pollack)


Luke 16: 19-31
Jesus' Parable of
Lazarus and the Rich Man

‘There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day. And at his gate lay a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who longed to satisfy his hunger with what fell from the rich man’s table; even the dogs would come and lick his sores. The poor man died and was carried away by the angels to be with Abraham.* The rich man also died and was buried. In Hades, where he was being tormented, he looked up and saw Abraham far away with Lazarus by his side. He called out, “Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am in agony in these flames.” But Abraham said, “Child, remember that during your lifetime you received your good things, and Lazarus in like manner evil things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in agony. Besides all this, between you and us a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who might want to pass from here to you cannot do so, and no one can cross from there to us.” He said, “Then, father, I beg you to send him to my father’s house— for I have five brothers—that he may warn them, so that they will not also come into this place of torment.” Abraham replied, “They have Moses and the prophets; they should listen to them.” He said, “No, father Abraham; but if someone goes to them from the dead, they will repent.” He said to him, “If they do not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.” ’



Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Journey Art by Adam Gueldner

John 21: 4-8

Just after daybreak, Jesus stood on the beach; but the disciples did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to them, ‘Children, you have no fish, have you?’ They answered him, ‘No.’ He said to them, ‘Cast the net to the right side of the boat, and you will find some.’ So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in because there were so many fish.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Welcome to Journey





















The Risen Lord by He Qi

Welcome to Journey, the official website for members of the youth group at St. Andrew's Episcopal Church in Edwardsville, Illinois. We will use this site to post information about upcoming Journey meetings and events, and also to post photos and artwork during the year. Remember, Journey meets on the 1st and 3rd Sundays of each month during the school year. We meet from 5:30 - 7:00 pm in the undercroft of the church (our hangout). We have lots of pizza, fun, and hopefully, talk about things that are important to you along the way. Thanks for stopping by!

Journey Images

Sunday, September 16, 2007

First Meeting - "Lost and Found"

As a child I remember losing…


These days I frequently lose…


The biggest loss I ever had is…


The worst
thing I could
lose is…


When I find
what I have lost
I feel…


We all know what it is like to lose something, or someone, or to feel lost ourselves. Imagine, if you can, how God feels when He "loses" us? Or, when we lose God. Over the years, we may wander far from God. We may not even think much about Him. And yet...

A famous Swiss psychologist, Carl Jung, had this sign on the doorway to his house:

"Bidden or not bidden, God is here."

No matter how frantically we search for answers, or love, or peace, or thrills, God holds us fast. In God's eyes, we are always found. Remember the words of the famous hymn we listened to tonight by Will L. Thompson: "Softly and tenderly, Jesus is calling. Calling for you and for me."


Today's Journey Scripture
Luke 15: 1-10


1 Now all the tax-collectors and sinners were coming near to listen to him. 2 And the Pharisees and the scribes were grumbling and saying, ‘This fellow welcomes sinners and eats with them.’
3 So he told them this parable:
4 ‘Which one of you, having a hundred sheep and losing one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the one that is lost until he finds it?
5 When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders and rejoices.
6 And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbours, saying to them, “Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.”
7 Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who need no repentance.
8 ‘Or what woman having ten silver coins, if she loses one of them, does not light a lamp, sweep the house, and search carefully until she finds it?
9 When she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbours, saying, “Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin that I had lost.”
10 Just so, I tell you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.’


Saturday, February 24, 2007

by The Rev. Virginia L. Bennett, D.Min.
[Editor's note: Originally this article was written in response to an email from a parishioner at St. Andrew's. The parishioner wanted to know what it was like for Mother Bennett to " feel the presence of God in your life, moving within you, beckoning you to the priesthood?"]





I was raised in the 2nd largest Lutheran Church (not Missouri Synod) in the country. It had 6000 baptized members. So my first impression of church/religion was something that awed me, made me feel as though this must be about something 'enormous'. A picture of the nave and sanctuary is in my office at church. I remember being so small that the top of the pews were taller than me, and walking with my mother down that aisle I remember the sun coming through the stained glass window behind the altar of the risen Christ and it was just overwhelming; breathtaking; something that affected me on a visceral level, but I could not explain.

I hated Sunday School and before that my mother always told me that when she could hear babies and small children screaming in the nursery she was sure I was the loudest. Confirmation Class however, ( 7th through 8th grade) interested me. I guess it was the first time I had really been exposed to any 'theology'; and even today I remember a lot of stuff that I still think was/is good.

The liturgy at the church where I grew up was very lovely, beautiful. Definitely something of the mystery of God 'caught me'. I always/often felt as though I was different from the other kids in this way; felt as though I was impressed or drawn to something that they weren't experiencing. A sensitivity perhaps, I don't know.

(Although I can't really remember exactly when this was, although it was about the same time as the event I will describe below, I saw the movie "Ben Hur" and it wiped me out. I was so 'caught' by the movie, the reality of Christ and the Passion, it moved me beyond any words I can describe. I suppose in a way some would liken it to a conversion experience.)

Once our Confirmation class ended I and a couple of other kids (we were 14) really wanted to learn more, so we asked one of the older pastors if he would keep teaching us. So he did. However, there was an 'event' that happened in the midst of all this that really affected me.

I was Confirmed on a Sunday morning when I was 14 and in the afternoon a family friend of ours was ordained to the RC priesthood at the Cathedral in the afternoon. My mother and I attended. I was absolutely blown away. It was everything, the incense, the mystery, the whole idea of giving one's whole life to God. (Once my pediatrician told my mother, "she is the most sacrificial child I've ever known") - whatever that meant! It probably meant I was really stubborn; which I am.

That ordination event affected me deeply. I wanted priesthood more than anything I had ever known. Before that all I ever wanted to be - and strongly so - was a doctor. So I had these two interests; medicine and God and the church. (I think in some way at that time I probably thought God and the church were pretty much the same). Anyway....

I struggled with all this because I just thought, "Why didn't God make me a boy? All this is completely beyond me." I even wrote about 'priesthood' in my pink pony tail diary. Seeing the movie "The Cardinal" made it all even worse. Ultimately I revealed it only to my mother, who basically said, "Well, you'd better think of something else, cause we can't afford a psychiatrist." She always denied that, of course, but essentially it was true.

So....I searched out everything under the sun as a substitute, parish worker, missionary, deaconess. Not only were there no women pastors in the Lutheran Church at this time, girls couldn't even carry candles then! I made a big scrapbook with all the possible answers to my vocational yearnings, although none of them really fed or met the hunger.

Then one day I was sitting behind a girl in biology and overheard her talking about the fact that in her church (Episcopal) there were monks and nuns. I thought, 'that's it!' I'll become a nun" Well, it wasn't quite like that, but it was the beginning. In my young mind I felt that if I just didn't become Roman Catholic it wouldn't upset my mother if I became a nun. Wrong! Well, I started investigating all the possible orders in the Episcopal Church; and that wasn't easy for a 14 year old girl without internet or anything like that. I went to see an Episcopal priest and he said "Have you talked to your parents about this?"

After a long investigation and being in communication with the Mother Superior of an Episcopal Convent in New York, I flew to New York to spend the summer with them. That is a long story, but I didn't stay very long. My Dad was against it but my mother said "She has to find out", so she borrowed money for me to do that.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, in the midst of all this, my two girlfriends and myself (my idea) built a chapel in my basement. Ultimately it was in the Des Moines Register and Tribune and in Guidepost Magazine. One of the editors of the magazine came to stay with us for two days, part of a trip he was already making. Our group of chapel girls grew to six girls. Some of our parents thought we'd lost our marbles; getting too religious...why weren't we out dating like 'normal' girls...had our pastor talk to us.

In the end the chapel was dedicated with over 40 people in attendance. Wow to look back on all this now..amazing.

High School came and ended. The chapel folded. We went our separate ways. I went into nurse's training and was thinking about the convent again, when I met my first husband and we got married. There went the convent. I was still not an Episcopalian. That didn't happen until I was 26 years old.

I was married way too young (18). The marriage should have never happened. The good that came out of it was my oldest daughter Kelly. My husband got sick when she was only 3, with Crohn's Disease. He was from Canada and his illness and other stuff involved us moving back to Canada when he graduated from chiropractic college. Then we moved back here when I went to chiropractic college and then back to Canada because he was very ill and we had no health insurance. Ultimately we separated and divorced.

I never really thought about the priesthood for a long time after that. I ended up marrying again, moved to St. Louis, saw my first woman priest at the Cathedral in St. Louis and thought it seemed really strange. I ended up losing a baby when I was six months pregnant, a little boy, and that plunged me into a massive grief reaction.. made worse by the fact that I was married to an ob/gyn and was unable to get pregnant again.

Ultimately we adopted a little girl (nother long story). I finished nursing at Missouri Baptist Hospital school of nursing. I bought a horse, started teaching at Logan Chiropractic College in the mornings (nother long story), and rode my horse three afternoons a week; finally felt as though my life was getting back together. I was actually still thinking about possibly going into medicine.

Somewhere around that time I saw the article in Glamour Magazine about the young woman, Peggy Munzie (I still remember her name!) who became an Episcopal priest. I couldn't let go of it. And one day, when I was in the choir (The Church of St. Michael and St. George, Clayton, where Romayne used to sing), as I was totally pre-occupied with getting music ready, the priest in the pulpit said something to the effect of "some of you know there is something you are meant to do and you're not doing it". It was like I had been stabbed and I said "Yes" and I knew I would never turn back.

One night my husband said he thought sure he could get me into St. Louis University School of Medicine. I said "That's not where I'm at." He said "What? What do you mean, that's not where you're at?'" I said something about the priesthood and he said "What?!!! Oh my God". I remember he got in bed quickly and thus began the long long journey.

My mother was stunned; didn't really see how it would all work. My brother said (to my mother) "We're so different".